so, when i'm not happily droning away in my little star trek like stations, i like to think of my self as a bit of an amateur chef.  More like a line cook who just graduated from the fryer to the salamander, but a chef none the less.
 i've got all the fancy toys, cast iron this, and stainless steel that, fancy wooden cutting boards made of species of trees that i can't pronounce. Hell I've even gone as far as to fly to japan to purchase a single knife for my collection. The flight was a business expense so really i bought it while i was there for meetings, but the story sounds better the other way. This knife, it's dear to me, hand made, folded steel blade, folded 37 times to be exact. i watched the little craftsman making a knife just like the one i wanted. truly an eye opening experience, watching a little man, who was somewhat older than dirt but a little younger than the dinosaurs, sit there and heat and bend and heat and bend and heat and bend this flat piece of steel. All of this taking place inside a room with a dirt floor that was no bigger than the shitter in my office. Jesus I'm lucky, I've got a shitter bigger than some Japanese factories.  So, i happily hand over what roughly equates to the better part of two mortgage payments for this hand made gem. the Folded steel blade, hand carved teak handle, was perfectly balanced and sharp enough to cut your breath. I was in love. this was the piece that would trump all pieces.  this was my bit of bragging rights with the boys back home, this was my ace in the hole.

     And then some asshole had to take it all away from me. 

 the day i was due to fly home, it was a Sunday, some loony decided it would be a wonderful idea to drive a truck clean down the middle of one of the busiest shopping districts in Tokyo get out in the middle of the intersection and casually stab 18 people, just for kicks. Like he couldn't find a million other ways to blow off steam in Tokyo. The most super modern city in the world, the biggest amusement park for the mind, it's all right there.  But no, stabbing random strangers is more fun. wack job.

 What does that do for me?  Nothing, that's what.  customs officials are now on high alert, super paranoid, anything sharp, or resembling sharp, it's gotta go. not allowed on the plane.   makes perfect sense right?  well expect that we're in japan, the land of swords and steel.  most of the people in line have some sort of perfectly harmless Five dollar samurai sword kitch in their bags that are being confiscated in droves. No biggie, they can be replaced at the Canadian dollar store, probably  for less than you bought it for in Japan.  I however, have an 8 inch steel blade designed from the ground up to be a perfectly honed disassembling machine. This thing could take a finger off in 2 seconds flat and that's  before you take the safety off.  My little killing machine, packed ever so carefully in the middle of my suitcase was setting off alarm bells left right and centre.  I was ever so quietly asked to come into a room off to the side of the security area to claim my bag and make notes of the contents. Long story short, they weren't letting me and my knife on the plane at the same time because they were convinced i was going to disrupt the flight....  Think about this folks.....  me, in the plane, somewhere buried back in the cattle class on a 15 hour flight from Tokyo to Toronto.  300 of my closest friends all packed in with me. we're smelly, we're tired, we've just watched our 3rd 3 hour movie and realized we're only 1/2 way home.  at this point in time i'm going to stand up out of my seat, walk to the hatch clearly labeled " this way to the baggage in the belly of the plane"  open that hatch crawl in, magically locate my bag in the sea of other bags retrieve my prized possession, ( which cost more than my first car and my first diamond engagement ring combined, but that's a whole other story) and then make my way back into the plane and make tracks for the cockpit........  NOT BLOODY LIKELY.
 either way,  me and my knife are not traveling in coach class together on this trip.  they promise they'll courier it to me, guaranteed it will be home with me in no time.  alright i agree, what could i do? give them my knife or be subject to who knows how man cavity searches, ample poundings and some prodding that would make most of the bovine species blush.   so over i hand it, into a box it gets packed, i fill out the customs forms, fill in my address, to the office not to the house. The Mrs. would KILL me if she knew the real value of it.  i board my flight, and kiss my knife goodbye. deep down i know i'll never see it again.
  sure as shit, my first day back in the office, a box arrives for me from Tokyo, inside is my knife i smiled a little.All that bullshit and screwing around for a piece of metal and a wooden stump, it's funny, but it's true.  There's no life lesson here, nothing prophetic or deep.
    What i learned from this whole experience is that no matter how hard you work for something, some asshole will always do something stupid to fuck it up for you. So don't try and screw the system, because the system will screw you back, and it has a much bigger screwdriver.